We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
