i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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