So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
