I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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