oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
