I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There r osticjed everywhere
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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