i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
They are going to name an STD after you.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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