Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
