guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
