dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
