Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
