I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just had sex on a roof
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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