I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
