All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
