This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
