we're chasing vodka with high fives
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
