I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
