I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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