I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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