Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
