im about as happy as oj after his trial
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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