Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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