I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
