Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
