You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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