Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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