Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
the liver wants what the liver wants
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
