My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
