My room smells like vodka and shame
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
