well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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