What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Pants are for mortals
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
