I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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