whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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