OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
