Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
