rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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