You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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