can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
