The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
