I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
