Soap is not a condiment
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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