At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is it because I queefed?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
