All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So much rum. So many feels.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
