I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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