try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
