i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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