bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
