you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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