Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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