I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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