why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
