The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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